Wampum

I made a mistake mid-last-week. I took a phone call.

When the call got started I started flinching. First the CONVENER. Every other sentence included the word "America" or "Americans", obviously capitalized. The sentences between these patriotic bon mottes were adorned with the words "Blogs" or "Bloggers", also capitalized. I started filtering after the 4th sentence, and promised myself I'd never be hungry enough¹ to repeat this mistake, even if we don't sell a single ad during the Koufax period.

It was a mind-numbing con-cat-a-babble of {BigPhilanthroMedia, "America", Millionaire, "Blog", BigPhilanthroPharma, "American", Pathos, BigPhilanthroMedia, "American", President, "Blogs", BigPhilanthroChurch, Give$$} [ :: repeat :: ], repeated as each VOICE was replaced by the next VOICE. Finally the set of VOICES was exhausted. One VOICE was "in route", so the CONVENER asked "Would anyone of the (absurdly large list of blogs) invited bloggers care to comment? [Operator to muted lines: press " * 1 " to comment.]

I waited. No one pressed " * 1 ", the operater announced the sad news to the CONVENER and the VOICES, so I mashed the buttons. The first question went to someone who wanted to know how a couple of bucks from her blog's readers would make a bit of difference. The response was a fully enumerated tour of the gazillions of "Americans" in "America" and the consumers of BigPhilanthroMedia and the fullness of BigPhilanthroPharma and BigMPhilanthroillionaires and finally ... tip jars on blogs. Then it was my turn ... I could ask about ... but the Missing VOICE turned up, so next up was an even worse mind-numbing con-cat-a-babble of {BigChurch, "American", MillionChurches, CuteAnectdote1, BigPhilanthroPharma, "American", Pathos, BigChurch, "American", BigPreacher, CuteAnectdote2, BigChurch, Give$$} [ :: repeat :: ].

I was so close to starting my question with the statement "I'm an athiest and my question is about brain damage, scientific fraud and belief systems, and confidence schemes", but I deided not to give unnecessary offense. After all, all bloggers are churched, believers, and of course, Protestant.

I asked about monitoring pediatric mercury loading and the vaccines dumped in Africa. The point of this absurdly difficult call was to discuss public health policy in, and towards, Africa. One of the VOICES responded with "I'll give you a challenge ..." I've no idea what the VOICE intended to challenge, the neurotoxcicity of ethylmercury, the loading associated with diagnostic characterization of symptoms, or the relative merits of neurotoxcins in multi-dose packaged vaccine delivery streams, versus say mortality and morbidity associated with non-vaccination. I've no idea because I cut off the VOICE and said "I'm not interested in your challenge, I'm interested in monitoring pediatric mercury loading and generalizing the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Fund". There was silence after that, then the con-cata-babble started cycling again. After a few more minutes I hung up.

There were some serious moments and some serious people on the call, The chloroquin to sulfadoxine-pyrimethamine to artemisinins trajectory was, is, serious, and a million preventable African children dead from Plasmodium falciparum (malaria) each year, at a cost of about $1/life is serious. Unfortunately, Patriots and Xtians were the overwhelming majority of the VOICES, and they are serious only about their ... frauds and belief systems.

The guy capitalizing on this figures he can sell "churches" as an alternative to "clinics", and that nothing material is needed in Africa, which must come as a relief to the pious wealthy, just faith. If there is a god, Rick Warren would have been in the ground path of 300KV visitation. He even allowed as how he knew about the Asian Tsunami "before most people" because of his network of churches and email, and so he saved thousands of lives by sending out email to churches ... maybe his computer wakes him up when he gets priority flash email. Those of you using Microsoft's operating system and email products can let me know how you get the recipient mail user agent to turn on the alarm clock and start the coffee maker. If that isn't enough to inspire the Thrill of Hell, there were the other VOICES that tried to motivate public health investment in Africa by Americans because of ... fear of contagation. It was Unreconstructed Dutch Reform Church Afrikaaners, with a few Afrikaans present, just for color.

So I'm not taking any more calls from Joe Trippi. He's got a business to run, selling "netroots" as a product to buyers, and he's following the money from the impoverished left to the land of the Pious and Patriotic.

We came pretty close to starting a consistent African coverage about a year ago. We will, but it won't be via Time or Trippi or some Mega-Church Loudmouth. A recent post is Public health is always politics. Clean water, education, economic development, warfare, and neo-colonialism were mentioned zero times.

Trippi's call is a gift that keeps on giving. He managed to include all the addresses of a huge number of bloggers in the To: header field of his announcement of glad tidings and joy, so now its become a spam vector as well. Why I just learned all there is to know about the Paris-Rodney-King-Riots yesterday from someone who ... doesn't appear to even be following the US press coverage, and blogs about it.

CuteAnectdote1: Two people, one the rep for TB drug manufacturers, the other the rep for a TB diagnostic kit, exchange contact information, as if by random chance, made possible only by the
con-cat-a-jumble of this mega-event. A modern miracle of meetings. Braize Jeebus!

CuteAnectdote2: One person recounts how "nominal" birthing fees make debtor's prisions out of the post-partum wards at Hospital X in Country Y, and when she became Minister-of-Health-without-Wealth, she introduced a bill in the legislature of Country Y to end the collection of "nominal" birthing fees. Bill not passed and people die on the steps of "nominal" fee clinics throughout Africa, not just in maternity hospitals.

¹ "As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me! I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again! No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill! As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!" when Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O'Hare digs up a turnip in Gone with the Wind, 1939. The retching was performed by Olivia de Havilland.