After deciding to take a family trip with an autistic child, you flirted with the idea flying but did not have the courage and decided to drive. Your old friends, demonstrating more kindness than judgment, invited you to stay with them, assuring you that Bobby would be no problem. Since everything your old friends know about autism, they learned from Rainman, and because you value their friendship, you politely declined the offer. Now you have to decide where to stay.
Eric and MB plan to have a pop-up camper. For those without the equipment or inclination to camp, a motel is the logical choice. Making the motel stay work involves issues of both safety and familiarity.
Bobby does best in familiar surroundings. He is comfortable in his room, with his stuff, his food, and his routines. Traveling involves new places, different people, a different bed, restaurants instead of his food in his own kitchen, and a break in the routines that permit him to function at his best.
In comments, a Mom from Blue Ash, Ohio, notes that even a different TV cable system can be problematic:
Staying in motels is also not fool-proof, as we discovered over our Presidents' Day weekend trip to Chicago. We unknowingly chose a hotel that did not subscribe to the Cartoon Network. We went through all the channels, no cartoons anywhere. So our evening's entertainment included a meltdown.
Each child is different. We do not have the Cartoon Network problem because of Bobby’s obsession with Channel 8. Our local cable system has PBS on Channel 8. Bobby has never been much of a TV watcher because he cannot rewind and replay the snippets he likes. When he was little, PBS had a few shows that he liked (TeleTubbies, in particular, repeats the same snippets over and over without the need to rewind. If only
Tinky Winky was not such a bad role model). Because he liked some PBS the programming, Bobby began to insist that if a television was on, it had to be tuned to Channel 8.
Tuning the TV to Channel 8 has become part of Bobby’s routine. If the television is on another channel when Bobby enters a room, he will immediately change it to Channel 8.
It does not seem to matter whether or not he likes the programming. At home, Clifford and Jim Lehrer are both on Channel 8 and Bobby is as likely to watch one as the other. Even Channel 16, which is a different PBS station with almost identical programming, will not do.
At motels or at other people’s houses, it does not matter if Channel 8 is PBS or not, Bobby insists on Channel 8. That, of course, has led me to scour the country for motels that put ESPN on Channel 8. CNN will do in a pinch, but when on vacation, I prefer ESPN. Deb objects, but I remind her that it could be worse. The Home Shopping Network, R-rated fair, or even pay-per-view could be on Channel 8.
I digress. We go to great pains to make a hotel room as familiar as possible for Bobby. We bring his blanket and pillow from home. We carry a small combination TV VCR so that he can play his favorite tapes (when Bobby has his tapes available, he will actually permit others to make channel selections. That makes his brother happy). We set up the bathroom as much like at home as possible. We make sure to have familiar and well-liked food on hand. Those few familiar items provide some continuity to the new accommodations and help Bobby feel at home.
Some safety issues are common and some are not. One year, we rented a seventh floor condo at the beach. We arrived late at night, checked in, and went to bed. The next morning, I was about to take my coffee out onto the balcony overlooking the ocean when Deb told me to keep the balcony door closed and locked. I had not noticed anything amiss but since I had the good judgment to marry someone far smarter and more perceptive, I knew better than to open the door.
The balcony had a railing that consisted of four horizontal bars, each separated by gap of several inches. It might have been esthetically pleasing to many, but what Deb saw was potential kid death. Given that Bobby has no fear and no judgment, the railing was, in effect, a ladder to a seven-story fall. We spent the entire week with the balcony door locked until the kids were asleep.
The more common safety issue is that of escape. We often take two motel rooms, connected by an interior door. Just outside the exterior door to the kid’s room is a parking lot, perhaps a busy street, strangers, unfamiliar territory, and all manner of potential catastrophe. We need to do something to make sure Bobby does not leave the room while we sleep or are occupied in the other room.
Bobby is a creature of habit. We try to prevent him from ever getting the idea that he can leave the room through the exterior door. When we check in, we herd Bobby into the adult room while keeping the connecting door closed. I exit the adult room, close it so that Bobby cannot see what I am doing, then enter the kid’s room. I put a permanent “do not disturb” sign on the kid’s exterior door, close it, turn the dead bolt, and flip the interior safety lock.
Most motel rooms have a small hallway at the door. I move a table or other piece of furniture into that hallway to block the door. I then pile the kid’s bags and other stuff on the table to completely close off the escape route. Only after the exterior door is completely blocked do I open the connecting door and allow Bobby into the room in where he will be staying.
I call housekeeping and inform them that under no circumstances are they to enter the kid’s room through the exterior door. They are to come into our room and enter through the connecting door. I make sure my older son knows that opening the exterior door in the kid’s room, for any reason, is a capital offense.
That procedure results in Bobby never seeing that the exterior door to his room opens to the outside. He always enters and exits through our room. It becomes his habit to go to the door in our room if he wants to go outside.
To open the exterior door in his room, he would have to move a lot of stuff, which, we hope, would awaken us or alert us to his intentions. We have had no escapes or even attempts since instituting that procedure.
Oh, one more thing. When I open the connecting doors between the two rooms, I turn both deadbolts to the “out” position. That prevents the interior doors from closing. It also prevents Bobby from locking himself in the kid’s room while the other three of us are in the adult room.
With deadbolts on both the interior and exterior doors to the kid’s room, the only way to gain access to Bobby is to have management take the interior door off its hinges. It just thrills motel management, particularly if you are checking in late at night, to have to do so.
Staying at a motel is doable. It just takes a little planning.