Wampum

IS 804@174°E footprint

At approximately 5:32 p.m. EST January 14, a covert space weapons program dischared a directed energy weapon at Intelsat 804, located at 174° East. The weaponized energy burst manifested to the on-board and earth station sensors as a sudden and unexpected electrical distribution anomaly that caused the permanent loss of the spacecraft.

Speaking via a cell phone from his cell at Camp Anaconda, known to its denizens as "Mortaritaville", President-for-Life Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti announced the second success of the Iraqi directed energy WMD program, which managed to discharge a weapon located at 33°20 N 44° 26 E, and strike a target located at 174°00 E 0°00 N, a distance of 16,250km (Haversine formula) or 12,737km (cord formula) and located an additional 35,785km (22,236 miles) above the surface of the earth. Seismologiests at the USGS in Menlo Park and Directed Energy Weapons (DEW) Program Office (DARPA) analysts at [an undisclosed location] are again reviewing seismic data to determin if the discharge path used ionospheric reflection to a way-point near the Marshall Islands, before going vertical, or took the shorter "direct-direct" path, the theoretically possible but never demonstrated "Verne manuver".

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the senior Republican political strategist remarked "We still don't know if the Iraqis managed to pull a Verne, and we're torturing every directed energy related programs engineer we've managed to capture to find out. If they have we're in a heap of trouble. Those last 22,000 exoatmospheric miles were another overshoot. When they get our range we'll have operational Iraqi megawatt class lasers under every bed in the Continental United States."

Intelsat's spokesperson announced that there is no manufacturing or design connection between this event and the recent IA-7 satellite anomaly as the two satellites were manufactured by two different companies and their designs are different.

Unlike the conference call of November 29th, when the first sucess of the Iraqi directed energy WMD program was announced (see Intelsat Americas-7 satellite fried), today's conference call did not included synchronized tape-delay segments from Osama Bin Laden in Afganistan (strategic planning and targeting) or Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in al-Anbar Province (engineering and operations). Saddam Hussein again reminded the journalists that Bush, Chenny and Powell/Rice hold a monopoly over the most outragous weapons programs claims on the face of the earth, despite the valient defenses of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf ("Baghdad Bob"), but those claims of weapons programs related activities are insufficient to meet exoatmospheric, and potentially lithospheric weapons programs claims.

President-for-Life Saddam Hussein then announced that elements of the strategic planning and targeting branch had acquired several Benefon Track Pro units (multi-band GSM phone with fully functioning GPS) which will be made available to journalist at the next conference call, which is scheduled for January 20th. The handsets will physically present at the west front of the Capitol Building in Washington City, 39°N, 77°W, and made available to members of the press at 11:59 EST sharp.

Note Well: In 1997 the Mid-Infrared Advanced Chemical Laser/Sea-Lite Beam Director system combination demonstrated the ability to illuminate satellites in orbit [1].

IS-804@174°E carried 64x36 MHz C-band and 12x36 MHz Ku-band transponders providing coverage to West CONUS and East Asia.
Uplink Frequency C-Band: 5859 to 6425 MHz, Ku-Band: 14.0 to 14.5 GHz
Downlink Frequency C-Band: 3600 to 4200 MHz Ku-Band: 10.95 to 11.20 GHz or 11.70 to 11.95 GHz or 12.50 to 12.75 GHz or 11.45 to 11.70 GHz.

[1] "Nautilus - Lasers are Lethal," U.S. Army Space and Missile Defense Command, October 3l, 1998, http://www.smdc.army.mil/NAUT.HTML. "Tactical High Energy Laser (THEL)," U.S. Army Space and Missile Defense Command, October 31, 1998, http://www.smdc.army.mil/THEL.HTML. Additional information is available from TRW Inc. at http://www.trw.com.