When I first read this on Sunday, it struck me as rather odd:
American who survived tsunami tells of devastation
Regular guest on 'Oprah' safe, but friend missing in Sri Lanka
Sunday, December 26, 2004 Posted: 8:41 PM EST (0141 GMT)(CNN) -- A celebrity interior decorator vacationing in Sri Lanka said Monday that all he could see was "utter devastation" in the wake of a deadly tsunami that slammed the island.
"We were completely devastated yesterday morning," Nate Berkus told CNN. "There was absolutely no warning."
Berkus, a regular contributor to "The Oprah Winfrey Show," said he and a friend were sleeping in a beachfront cottage at Arugam Bay on Sri Lanka's eastern coast when he heard a loud noise and the roof was ripped off.
Berkus, 33, said they were swept into the sea along with debris, animals and other people.
The two grabbed a telephone pole, he said, but lost their grips when a second large wave hit. Berkus told CNN that he climbed onto the roof of a home; his friend was missing.
I found the same details in USAToday and the WaPo. Or should I say, lack of detail.
Missing from all of these stories was the identity of Berkus' "friend". Not only did this person lack a name, they lacked gender. The stories seemed to purposefully go out of their way to not to say the obvious; Berkus' companion was male.
So what was the issue? Was it that Berkus is openly gay, and the beach at which they were vacationing is a well-known destination for gay and lesbian tourists? Was the media waiting for the gay press to name names, in this case, photographer Fernando Bengoechea, in some twisted sense of political correctness? Is this another case of MaryCheneyitis, where publicly stating someone is gay is a slur?
de mortuis nil nisi bonum.
Update (12/30/2004): The answer, all you Googling Monkeys*, is YES! They're gay! And they were obviously enjoying a lovely vacation together before it was ended by a few million tons of water! (*referring to the slew of "Is Nate Berkus/Fernando Bengoechea gay?" referrals in the last hour alone.)
Everybody knows he's gay, thats why the media were abit hesitant to brand him a partner or just a friend. His brother set the record straight at http://fernandoandnate.blogspot.com
Posted by: Daniel at January 1, 2005 02:43 AMThis is not an attack on whether it's appropriate for the media, or anyone, to mention Nate and Fernando's relationship or not. It's just an explanation as to why the reportage has taken this route thus far.
It could just be that, at the time of the reports, the media did not have confirmation from a reliable source that Nate and Fernando were a couple, or even that Fernando is gay.
It is not uncommon for gay friends, who aren't romantically involved, to vacation together. Even the fact that they are both gay, and sharing a cottage, doesn't mean that they are having a sexual relationship. The media might have been reluctant to indicate that Fernando is gay until they knew for sure, and also cautious about naming them as a "couple."
Yes, it appears that Nate is gay, because he's been written about in gay magazines. However, I haven't seen anything in the media where Fernando was written about (interviews, etc.) as a gay man. Fernando may be gay, and in a relationship with Nate, but that has probably not been established for certain yet to the satisfaction of the editors.
Perhaps Nate has not described Fernando as his lover, boyfriend, roommate, or even gay friend in his interviews thus far. If he has repeatedly referred to Fernando as his friend in interviews, then the fact that Nate is gay doen't mean Fernando is in the eyes of the media. Until Nate confirms that they were a gay couple, or even dating, the media might be reluctant to mention it. It's not because they are being politically-correct so much as they are striving to be accurate.
In all the media coverage I've read so far about Nate since the tsunami occurred, I have yet to see him described as a gay interior decorator, a gay businessman, or Oprah's gay interior design guru.
Some in the media might not think that the fact that Nate is gay, or that two gay men were vacationing together, is even relevant in telling the story about the disaster at large.
The fact that Fernando's sister might have confirmed on an internet blog that they were a couple living together is not considered reliable information by most journalists. The web blog post might not be authentic, and it's very hard to verify.
Gay people who are out of the closet don't necessarily like being described in news articles as gay, when the topic of the article has nothing to do with that.
For example, Melissa Etheridge is not described as a lesbian rock singer, or a gay musician, in every media report about her.
If Ellen DeGeneres was involved in a car accident, it wouldn't be necessary, or even appropriate, to mention that she's a lesbian in the news report. It might be relevant though if she had the car accident as a result of a fight in the car with her girlfriend, or if she had been chasing after her girlfriend in their cars when the accident occurred.
If Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres crashed their cars into each other in an intersection in Los Angeles, the fact that they are both lesbians is really not relevant to what occurred--newswise. Of course, it might end up as a joke on a late-night talk show.
The article might say that two celebrities crashed into each other, but I doubt it would say that two famous lesbians crashed into each other.
However, if they both were killed as a result of the accident, it would be mentioned that both were out lesbians, and their partners would be named as survivors. The fact that they were lesbians in a car accident is not the news angle though. It would be newsworthy because both were celebrities; both had come out of the closet in their lifetime; and the oddity that two celebrities crashed into each other and died is an oddity. The fact that they were lesbians would be written about because of the effect it had on their lives, career, and fame.
If two unknown women crashed into each other and died, and they happened to both be lesbians, it wouldn't be reported in the article describing the accident. Their individual obituaries might mention they were involved in gay organizations, or they left behind a same-sex spouse. Their obituaries would mention that they each died in a car accident, but it wouldn't report that they died in a car accident with another lesbian.
The fact that someone is gay does become newsworthy though if they presented themselves as straight, were married, and were a well-known person, or held an elected office. The relevance would only come though if they had survived, or died, in a tsunami, while visiting a gay bathhouse, or brothel, in Thailand.
I hope this helps to illustrate how and when it's appropriate to mention someone's sexuality in a news story.
As you can see in this article in The Advocate, a national gay magazine, it is reported that Nate Berkus is openly gay (because it's known and relevant to gay people). However, it doesn't mention that Fernando is gay, or that they were a couple. Now this is a gay magazine, if they haven't reported that Nate and Fernando were a couple, or that Fernando was also openly gay, it's because it's not been verified. They only mention Fernando as Nate's friend, not his gay friend.
Posted by: Robb at January 1, 2005 08:35 AMhttp://www.advocate.com/new_news.asp?ID=14690&sd=12/28/04
Posted by: Robb at January 1, 2005 08:36 AMRobb, my issue is that the media initially refused to even NAME Fernando, or even give his gender. I doubt that when Nate Berkus was rescued, he said, "my friend is missing, but I'm not telling you it's name."
Instead of just reporting "Nate Berkus is alive, but the friend with whom he was travelling, Fernando Bengoechea, is still missing." That would have simple and honest. But they made it actually seem "dirty" to report that a gay man was vacationing with someone of the same gender, since one then naturally had to assume the latter was also gay, and that they were a couple, whether they were or not.
Posted by: MB at January 1, 2005 10:02 AMNate's a very private person. I guess the media was just being careful in relaying any information that would be misinterpreted or falsely reported.
Posted by: Daniel at January 1, 2005 02:34 PMNate still referring to Fernando as 'my friend' on Oprah.com
Posted by: Daniel at January 3, 2005 07:32 PMNot mentioning Fernando's gender or accurate relationship to Nate is absolutely, 100% homophobic. Not one journalist covering this story described swimsuit model Petra Nemcova's missing photographer boyfriend as a "friend" with no gender identity (hell, they even dared to detail his profession!) And to the comments by Robb, regarding Melissa Etheridge and Ellen Degeneres, those situations are not analogous at all. If Melissa Etheridge and her partner both got into a car accident, that would be analogous. And it would be correct to report that Melissa Etheridge and her partner were in a car accident, not some genderless "friend". Jennifer Garner were to survive a tsunami while on vacation with Ben Affleck do you really believe reporters would describe him as her still-missing "friend"?
Posted by: Jay at January 4, 2005 06:04 PMThis is what Fernando's brother says on fernandoandnate.blogspot.com. Is the press referring to them as a couple yet? If not, then why not?:
Desperate Search For Fernando Bengoechea
"We are searching for my brother, Fernando Bengoechea. We know that he was swept by the waves with his friend, Nate Berkus, and then separated. Nate has been rescued but Fernando is still missing. They were in Sri Lanka at the Sturdust Beach Hotel in Arugam Bay. He is 39 years old, white, 5'8", brown hair, green eyes and has braces in his teeth. marilisa@maradonausa.com" - CNN.com
"I just happened to find this website while combing the internet looking for any information that can help finding my brother Fernando missing in Sri Lanka.To make it clear, Fernando and Nate are a couple that love each other and I ask you to please help us search for any kind of information that can lead to Fernando. Here is what we know: They were in Sri Lanka at the Sturdust Beach Hotel in Arugam Bay. He is 39 years old but looks a lot younger, white, 5'8", brown hair, green eyes and has braces in his teeth. Thank you all and any lead will be welocome.Marcelo Bengoechea marcelo@maradonausa.com" - Zionide.org
posted by fernandoandnateblog at 2:57 PM
The 'friend' title mysteriously vanished on Nate's official statement. It has been replaced by 'partner'.
Posted by: Daniel at January 4, 2005 07:35 PMYou suggested it might be an issue that "the beach at which they were vacationing is a well-known destination for gay and lesbian tourists", then linked to an article which states that Phuket, Thailand is "the most well known and popular gay beach destination in Southeast Asia". Nate and Fernando were in Sri Lanka at the Stardust Beach Hotel in Arugam Bay.
Posted by: Jenna at January 5, 2005 04:00 PM