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Tears of Joy -- A Matter of Perspective

Oliver Wendell Holmes was one of the great American jurists. Born in 1841, he was appointed to the Supreme Court in 1902. Justice Holmes served on the court until his death in 1932 at age 91. One story of very questionable authenticity about Justice Holmes demonstrates how our reactions to events are determined by our perspective.

One spring day in 1926, when Holmes was 85, he took a lunch break from his work at the Supreme Court. Holmes was walking with a friend on a Washington, D.C. street when he was passed by a very attractive young lady. The lady was dressed in the provocative attire of the 1920s. Holmes smiled at the lady, nudged his friend and remarked “Oh, to be 75 again.”

I was reminded of the Holmes story this week not by passing a scantily dressed young woman, but rather when I attended our annual IEP meeting about our eight and a half year old autistic son, Bobby.

Part of the IEP process is to document Bobby’s level of functioning. The section for “Present Level of Performance” contained the following:

Bobby is a very nice and strong boy, much taller than his same age peers. He is happy when in a familiar place, with familiar people, and routines. New environments may make him frustrated, then he may pinch, scratch or drop to the floor and cry …

Bobby communicates primarily through leading adults to his desired objects or activities. Bobby can pick between 2-3 pictures to pick desired objects… Bobby can string beads and unzip lunch box and ziplock bags to get his snack. He is working on pincer grip to open his favorite snack…

Bobby stays in his seat for some group activities… He still needs close adult supervision to remain with the group even if he starts to respond to verbal commands. Bobby responds to basic verbal commands (sit down, stay seated, stand up, come here). He needs gestures and physical prompts to follow more complicated directions.

Bobby shows very little interest to participate in group activities…. Bobby does not imitate body movements and needs hand over hand assistance to participate in any of these kinds of activities. Now, Bobby does not resist hand over hand and body over body activities during Music, PE or Gymnastics.

Bobby has very few motivators to make him work… Bobby likes to fidget with Dr. Seuss books or videotapes, so we reserve them as a reward for successful trips to the bathroom…

Bobby has to have supervision all of the time during handwriting, otherwise he will eat the crayons or pencils. Twist-on crayons work best because it gives the teacher more time to react and block the crayon from his mouth. Bobby starts to write his name.

Bobby will at times use speech to request desired food and objects by saying “peas” (please), but he will not label the object or food. He does not follow contextual directions consistently. Bobby is not able to consistently identify a picture of a named person.

If a report card described your eight year old child in those terms, how would you feel? If you are the parent of a typical child, my guess is that such a report would set off all sorts of alarm bells. Our perspective is different.

As the information above was presented to us, I looked over at my wife and tears of joy were streaming down her cheeks. I felt like spiking my notepad and doing an end zone dance. We were ecstatic. It is by far the best report we have ever received. Read it again more closely.

“Bobby stays in his seat for some group activities… Bobby responds to basic verbal commands.”

“Now Bobby does not resist hand over hand and body over body activities.”

“Successful trips to the bathroom…”

“Bobby starts to write his name.”

“Bobby will at times use speech to request desired food and objects by saying “peas” (please).”

Those abilities may not seem like much to you. An eight year old who can mispronounce one simple word (“please”) may not make the front page of the Times. The fact that an eight year old has made a successful trip to the bathroom and is beginning to write his name will not be listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.

From our perspective, the progress documented by the report is HUGE. The endless hours of work and worry are beginning to show results. If Bobby can learn to communicate, learn basic hygiene, follow instructions, and, most of all, demonstrate the ability to gain additional skills, it is possible for us to begin to envision a functional life for our son.

From our perspective, it does not get any better than that.

Posted by Dwight Meredith at February 6, 2004 01:56 PM | TrackBack